The Difference Is...

[woodwardiocom]

Three parallel situations:

• "You didn't have a bike lock? No wonder it got stolen, you doofus."
  
• "You walked through that part of town at midnight waving around an expensive cell phone? You idiot, no wonder you got mugged!"
  
• "You were dressed like that when you were sexually assaulted? You kinda asked for it."

My social circles regard the first two as appropriate replies, and the third as absolutely not. I agree with that, but on analysis, am having trouble articulating the relevant distinction.

Edit: Many thanks for the answers thus far. They've helped.

Comments

[futurenurselady.livejournal.com]

I don't think any of the three statements make much sense. I think they're only acceptable because we live in an individualist society and not a collectivist one.

You can't control a criminal's actions. If a person wants to steak a bike badly enough, then the lock will be broken or picked and it won't matter how nice the bike is. If they want to steal a phone badly enough, they'll hold a weapon to that person's head and demand their phone and it won't matter what kind of phone it is. If they want to rape someone badly enough they'll do it, and it won't matter what that person is wearing, what the person's age is, or even whether they're male or female.

When I hear that a friend's been stolen from, whether it's their bike or their phone or their sexual actions, my first response is along the lines of "whoever that shithead was who did this, I hope they get what's coming to them."

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

Seconding this. All three statements are victim-blaming, which shifts the emphasis away from where it belongs enables a culture of violation. I don't think any of them are okay.

That said, as other commenters have effectively pointed out, there are reasons why the third statement is different and potentially even more damaging to said victim than the first two (ETA: including the fact that, unlike other potential precautions against crime, women's clothing choices don't make any measurable difference to their risk of being raped, a point others have made on this thread but important enough that I want to underscore it). Victims of bike theft and mugging are not systematically discriminated against and blamed for their own violation as a feature of a wider sexist culture, but victims of sexual assault are. You are lucky that you exist in a circle that recognizes this discrepancy and comes down hard on expressions of rape culture! But make no mistake, that puts you in a minority.