Godzilla vs. The Pirates of Penzance, Or, The Monsters of Pen-sanso

[woodwardiocom]

(A Work In Progress — Selected Excerpts)

Glenn: Ah, would that you would render this extermination unnecessary by promising to renounce your destructive ways, and instead join the ranks of the civilized beasts!

Godzilla: No, Mr. Astronaut Glenn, it cannot be. While my profession does have its detractors, it is nevertheless my natal fate to be the embodiment of dearest Mother Nature's rage. No, I shall live and die a Monster King.

Song: I Am A Monster King

Godzilla: Oh, better far to claw and stomp
Across the cityscapes I clomp,
Than pretend to be humanity's friend
As I symbolize humanity's end.
Back to the verdant Earth go you
Where humans can be monsters too;
But I'll be true to my bellowing,
And live and die a Monster King!
For I am a Monster King!
And it is, it is a terrible thing
To be a Monster King!
For I am a Monster King!

All: You are!
Yotta for the Monster King!

Godzilla: And it is a scare-ible, terrible thing
To be a Monster King.

All: It is!
Yotta for the Monster King!
Yotta for the Monster King!

Godzilla: When I venture forth from ocean blue
I cause much destruction, it is true.
I sink a lot of ships, as well
For I embody nuclear hell.
But the noblest human nations must
Do deeds darker than mine, I trust;
For terror is my destiny
But war remains unknown to me.
For I am a Monster King!
And it is, it is a terrible thing
To be a Monster King!
For I am a Monster King!

All: You are!
Yotta for the Monster King!

Godzilla: And it is a scare-ible, terrible thing
To be a Monster King.

All: It is!
Yotta for the Monster King!
Yotta for the Monster King!

---

Izumi: Hold, astronauts! Ere you proceed to plans founded 'pon false assumptions!
Or p'raps banish these beasts to regions most polar!
Know that we are proof 'gainst your base presumptions!
For our master is the Planet X Controller!

Astronauts: Surely we should pause, and listen to her,
For their master is the Planet X Controller!

Girls: Yes yes! He is the Planet X Controller!

Controller: Yes yes! I am the Planet X Controller!

Song: I Am The Very Model of the Controller of Planet X

Controller: I am the very model of the Controller of Planet X.
I and all my henchmen wear these silly things about our necks.
I plan the plans and scheme the schemes that will defeat the fair hero.
On our world all is numbered and the monster's number is zero.
I'm very well acquainted too with matters astronomical
(Though many find my fashion sense a thing extremely comical).
Godzilla and Rodan we shall take across the System Solar
Ostensibly we need them to defeat the vile King Ghidorah!

---

UNGCC*: When Godzilla comes to town,
Tarantara, tarantara!
We will quiver, whine, and frown!
Tarantara!
For we know it is our fate
Tarantara, tarantara!
To be on his dinner plate!
Tarantara!
And we know we'll meet our death
Tarantara, tarantara!
In Godzilla's fiery breath!
Tarantara!
But we're sworn to hold the line
And it's too late to resign
It's too late to resign!
Tarantara, tarantara...

Even maser artillery
Tarantara, tarantara!
And electron cannons be
Tarantara!
Not enough to win this fight
But we'll try with all our might
And then we'll be set alight!
Tarantara, tarantara...

(* UNGCC: United Nations Godzilla Countermeasures Corps.)

---

UNGCC: On your allegiance we've a stronger claim.
We charge you yield, we charge you yield,
In Toho Studio's name!

Godzilla: You do?

UNGCC: We do!
We charge you yield,
In Toho Studio's name!

Godzilla: I yield at once, with folded claws,
For I love Toho, 'spite all my flaws.

UNGCC: Yes yes, he loves Toho, 'spite all his flaws.

All: Yes yes, he loves Toho, 'spite all his flaws.

Mabel: Poor wandering one...

Godzilla steps on Mabel. All cheer, exeunt.

Comments

[chadu.livejournal.com]

(applause)

[bluegargantua]

Hmmm...you beat me to it, but I was going to go with:

I am the latest model of the modern mecha-godzilla

later
Tom

[aota.livejournal.com]

Excellent!

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

"Penzance" transliterated back into romaji from katakana is actually "penzansu," not "Pen-sanso," if you really want to nail the joke. As a former Frederick-in-Japan, I know whereof I speak. :)

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

And one more thing -- it's actually spelled "yatta," not "yotta"; a better translation (and one that still scans) would be "Sugoi!", which is far more often used to express happiness or huzzahs at someone else's accomplishments than "yatta," which is usually spoken by the person who just won a game or did something cool her- or himself.