Things Jon Has Learned About Dating

[woodwardiocom]

-Finally got up the gumption to ask out Cute Young Thing at the comic book store. (Only took five minutes of dithering in the shop next door while pretending to look at DVDs.)

Me: Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?

Her: Oh, I'm sorry, but I work seven days a week.

-Now, as my occasionally turbulent romantic history would indicate, I have yet to learn everything there is to know about dating. But I have, perhaps, learned a few things. My first reaction to the above (we're still inside my head at this point) was, "I'm sure we can schedule something; I'm pretty flexible." This was my logical self talking, which takes statements at face value.

-Then the relatively recent part of my brain which actually attempts to model what's going on in other people's heads piped up, "She's making an excuse to let you down easy, Jon. That wasn't an invitation to compare schedules, that was a really nice 'no'." So I smiled, she said she'd see me around the store, and I left without making an idiot of myself.

-So, what I have learned in brief: When you ask someone out, "yes" sounds like "yes", but "no" can sound like a lame excuse. One must learn to recognize the latter for what it is.

(I've also learned that, just because she's A) making eye contact, B) attempting coversational gambits to draw you out, C) looking at you when she thinks you're not looking at her, D) smiling at you, and E) while making jokes with others, glancing at you to see if you've noticed how funny she is, does not mean she wants to get coffee with you. But I suspect those are still good indicators.)

Comments

[maedbh7.livejournal.com]

Well, and it doesn't help any that some women who say "I work seven days a week" really do work seven days a week and just don't have the time. Thus, why it is important for those of us being asked out to coffee to say "I don't have time right now" when that is what we mean, and "Thank you, but I'm not interested in dating" when *that* is what we mean. -H...

[hawkegirl.livejournal.com]

It can be so very hard though to turn someone down. Especially if they've just asked very sweetly, or been very polite about it. You don't want to hurt their feelings, you don't want them to feel down about the effort, and often times you weren't ready for it. So you're sort of cought out on the line out of the blue, and you want to be nice... eeek. I agree though in a perfect world I think we all should and could just be honest and clear, but I can sympathize with not wanting to accidentally reject and hurt someone, and thus giving a less then perfect/clear answer.

[darlene-ford.livejournal.com]

Hitting on someone you have a business relationship with is always risky. She has to worry that she'll get in trouble with one of the managers if she says anything direct enough to make you angry, so of course she's going to let you down as easily as possible even if she favors directness in social life. Try hunting somewhere with a lower ratio of lonely geeks to cute women...

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

Hitting on someone you have a business relationship with is always risky.

-This is a good point.

Try hunting somewhere with a lower ratio of lonely geeks to cute women...

-But I like my current social circle...

Never ask out people in retail

[(Anonymous)]

JON: Take it from my personal experiences- asking out women in retail/restaurants is a mistake. I have been shot down *exactly like that* on several occasions. I think you have the idea- these people are *paid* to engage you and be friendly. --nat