Feedback Mechanisms

[woodwardiocom]

-So, I've been getting some advice on my public demeanor from a number of sources. Veddy veddy interesting. Must solicit more data:

-Do I come across as arrogant? Elitist? As "an observer but not a participant in life"?

(What I'm usually aiming for is "reserved", "very respectful of personal boundaries", and "not making an ass of myself, of which I have a nigh-pathological fear". But I may be overshooting.)

-I'm interested in in-person reactions here. How I come across in LJ and email is a whole 'nother animal.

Comments

[queenofhalves]

i think you seem sort of quiet and wry. but i understand quiet people. ;>

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

[smile] Wry is good.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

Well, OK, I did get a little confused when I first met you, with buxom_bey...couldn't tell if I was being too much in your space, and you were just too polite to say bugger off, and were instead just not reacting to my kind of flirtatious way of trying to relate to people in hopes that I'd get the message and go away. I respond a lot to body language and social cues, and since this was not something codified by Webster, it can get confusing--you are reserved. Not arrogant, not to me, but hard to read.

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

. . . couldn't tell if I was being too much in your space . . .

-Darling, you are welcome to all of my space. I get nowhere near as much cuddling and friendly touch as I would like. I am not physically outgoing because I'm a tall and occasionally intimidating guy, and I need to take care not freak out smaller people (i.e., every woman I've ever met) by looming in their space.

-Hmm. This may be a topic for another post.

[fotofile2002.livejournal.com]

I never found you physically intimidating.

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

-Well, you're a major shiny extrovert. I'd have to be clutching a bloody sword to intimidate you.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

When I first met you, while you were living with Gale, I did have a feeling that perhaps you weren't all that keen on me being in your space, or weren't interested in talking to me, or found me perhaps annoying, or something along those lines. It wasn't intimidation, per se, and I don't think it was about me specifically...maybe just a feeling that you weren't comfortable having new people in your space and so were standoffish. I don't feel that way now, though. Not sure when or why that changed, but it did.

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

Not sure when or why that changed, but it did.

-I gradually got to know you, and decided you were waycool, is why.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Well, excellent. :) I like you, too.

[feoh.livejournal.com]

You hit the nail right on the head.

Reading this post I thought back to when we first met before Jon and I
and another person lived together, and I remember my very first impressions and the first impressions of others around me were that there was a slight bit of ... standoffishness, arrogance? I'm not sure quite not to describe it.

After a few hours of hanging out however I quickly realized that this was a mistaken impression and promptly forgot all about it.

As you so aptly point out whatever this was, it's gone. Now all I get is the sense that Jon is a likable and friendly guy. Something I've known all along anyway :)

[tikvah.livejournal.com]

The first time I met you, you were with anotherjen, and I got the impression that you were reserved, a little inaccessible, and not terribly fond of crowds. It was only from her posts about you, and then your own posts, that I realized you might be a bit cautious or shy, and that you're actually rather funny and playful.

When you posted about walking naked in the rain, I realized that you were a little more outrageous than I had thought. I would never guess that you would do something quite like that - it was a pleasant surprise to find another fan of frolicking naked in the warm summer rain. ;-)

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

When you posted about walking naked in the rain, I realized that you were a little more outrageous than I had thought.

-Just so you know, I don't do that sort of thing very often. Last time was years 'n years ago.

(But yes, I try to be funny and playful, though sometimes it's more like how a cat plays with a mouse . . .)

[alcinoe.livejournal.com]

I thought that you were someone who took a while to warm up to new folks. Of course I have my own issues that fog some of my judgement.

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

I thought that you were someone who took a while to warm up to new folks.

-Broadly true, though I warm up to attractive women pretty damn quickly . . .

[maedbh7.livejournal.com]

Hm. The whole "big guys=intimidating guys" and "I'm tall, therefore I must act Not Tall to be Not Intimidating" thought never occured to me. Having never been tall myself, why would it? And in general, tall men tend to interest me more than not tall men. But you are the 2nd very tall person out here who has told me they do this. I can understand the logic behind shrinking cautious behaviors, and maybe with me they just don't work, because I see tall and think "my, that's nice" and then get very confused by either physical or mental acts of trying to be smaller than life.

I've also been giving some thought to the whole arrogance issue. I think my personal baggage informs a large portion of how I view what I percieve as arrogance in others. I think perhaps because of my own baggage, I may be reading more arrogance into other people than I perhaps should or than is probably really there. -H...

[donnad.livejournal.com]

When we first met in RL, having already been reading each others lj for a time by then, I got the impression that in person you were just kinda quiet and shy, maybe a bit new to that particular social group and not quite sure of where you fit. (Now maybe you weren't really all that new to the group, but you were new in my mind.)

My impression may have been a bit colored by the fact that I knew Jen and she probably wouldn't be interested in hanging out with you if you were elitist or arrogant, not that you came across that way, but I wouldn't have noticed it unless you were in my face with it and you weren't.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

Actually, I am most attracted to arrogant, elitist men. The trick is finding ones for whom it's justified. In Jon, it's justified. :-)

[watercolorblue.livejournal.com]

I sometimes get the feeling that I'm annoying the hell out of you by not restraining my own ridiculous personality.

[lara68.livejournal.com]

Heh. I got that feeling from Jon a lot. It usually made me behave even more ridiculously, to the point that I probably *did* annoy the hell out of him.

It still happens, even though I haven't seen him in maybe 5 years. Witness last week's "batgasm" exchange...

[watercolorblue.livejournal.com]

It usually made me behave even more ridiculously, to the point that I probably *did* annoy the hell out of him.

Exactly!

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

-I can recognize ridiculous behavior, and even roll my eyes at it, without actually being annoyed.

[watercolorblue.livejournal.com]

Whatever. It's easily perceived as annoyance. Under certain circumstances it makes the recipient feel about an inch tall.

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

-Well, I will try not to make you feel short from now on. [mwah]

[signsoflife.livejournal.com]

Being tall, gorgeous and brilliant is *inherently* intimidating, regardless of how you behave. I've really had to train myself to be more approaching, because there are some people who will just never approach me. (*cue "how I met Barry" story.*)

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

Being tall, gorgeous, and brilliant is *inherently* intimidating . . .

[blink] Thanks!

I've really had to train myself to be more approaching . . .

. . . Or were you talking about yourself? [grin]

[anaisdjuna.livejournal.com]

You were sitting on a couch when I met you...and you seemed fun, open & friendly enough without overkill. Mellow-cool. I would say. I was in an extroverted mood that night myself with the data mining game we played.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

When I first met you, I found you very calm, amused, thoughtful, and confident. There was a touch of arrogance, too, but as I mentioned to Donna above, I like that.

[archangelbeth]

I dunno -- you came across as "person I remember and know a little, but we never get much of a chance to chat at Arisia"...

[crazybone.livejournal.com]

I echo the comment of anaisdjuna above. Mellow-cool seems to be the
best description. Arrogant? Nah. I've seen arrogance in action. It ain't pretty.
You don't come across that way to me. Confident and proud of your
accomplishments, yes, but that's no sin in my book.